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I’ve got a beef with the people who do the lines in my soccer league. I appreciate that they are taking time out of their schedule to call the lines, but they are also getting paid so I don’t feel too bad holding them to a certain standard.

Now, the linesperson basically only has two things to do:
1. Notice when the ball goes out and who touched it last.
2. Call offsides.

The first one is the soccer equivalent to the kindergarten task of ‘colouring inside the lines’. If the ball crosses the line you put your flag up and let the ref know who touched it last. For the most part the linesmen in my league have mastered this one.

It’s the second one that drives me crazy. Call offsides correctly! I’m not talking about them making the judgment call about a player in an offside position who doesn’t make a move for the ball. I’m talking about offside 101 here. If the player receiving the pass is (way) behind the last defender when the ball is passed he is offside. So call it! Especially when you are standing right there. There is an additional level of frustration since, when they miss a call by that much, it ends up with a breakaway and often a goal.

As one of my teammates said “You realize you’re getting paid real money to do this.” Of course, he got a red card for saying it, but sometimes the truth hurts.

Dear Linesmen,

Please try harder.

Thanks.

-Stephen-

Bonus: Classic. (NSFW!)

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Dave loves his cottage
Noma moonrays light the path
A place of relief

Driving in the heat
Engine will shortly explode
Suffer for the cause

Who can run faster?
Cheating speedsters in the blocks
Olympics?  Not quite

Molskine in his hand
Forty thousand feet of land
Norway Bay beach sand

He’s injury prone
Dave once hurt himself sleeping
At least he can laugh

Camping all year round
Is where Dave would rather be
Paddling away

He knows she’s perfect
They are happy together
She’s perfect for him

Glorious fall day
Shower in a strange venue
Forever in love

Dave has his birthday
Celebration is a must
Older and wiser

Undeniable
Unpredictability
What will happen next?


Happy Birthday Dave.

-Stephen-

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When you get an email advertising that you will be provided with a free breakfast what do you imagine?

The words ‘free breakfast’ without the modifier ‘continental’ would typically lead me to believe there would be eggs involved somehow.

As it turns out, the free breakfast which I skipped my bowl of Cheerios for was pastries and fruit. I have no complaints about the fruit. The fruit was delicious and who has the time to cut up fruit into nice bite-sized pieces when you’re still trying to wake up? I don’t think I’d risk using a sharp knife prior to 10:00am on a weekday.

Pastries. Apparently danishes and muffins count as breakfast now. (I agree with whoever said that the word ‘muffin’ was invented so people wouldn’t feel guilty about eating cake for breakfast). I was not the only person who was disappointed. I didn’t complain to anyone around because it was still the best free breakfast I’ve had this week. Nevertheless, if you are going to serve a free continental breakfast please state up front that it is a continental breakfast.

So now it’s nearing lunch and I’ve already eaten enough calories for two meals (did I mention the danish?) and I didn’t even enjoy it because the expectations were set too high.

There really is no such thing as a free breakfast.

-Stephen-

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Well, Dave is off to to Spain, so I guess this is how we start off ‘guest blogger fun time’! I figure I’ll start off with as weak of a post as possible and then we will crescendo. That’s right. We’ll get louder as we go. By the end of this we’ll be typing in ALL CAPS!

I laboured for literally minutes on end thinking of a topic to post about and then I realized “Hey, today is the day I can register for the Canadian Do Not Call List.” If you go here then you too can register your phone number. Apparently companies have 31 days to remove you from their list of people to annoy. If all goes well this could save me whatever I’m currently spending on call display to avoid picking up the phone when telemarketers phone the house.

If I accidentally pick up the phone and it is a telemarketer on the other end I try to dispatch them without lying and without being rude. This has probably cost me a few hours of my life that I’ll never get back. I have heard various strategies for getting out of such calls. One guy I work with goes with the old “I’m going to berate you and make you feel small until you either cry or hang up.” Another goes with “I’m going to talk non-nonsensical words to make you think I’m crazy.”

My current strategy lacks any flare, so I suppose I could try something new out for the next 31 days.

Any suggestions?

-Stephen-

Update (9:43AM): Apparently their site has crashed under the weight of all the people scrambling to register. You will have to be patient and try again later.

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