Another night of waiting for Rogers, and another night with no doorbell or phone call. As if things couldn’t get worse, my office changed their internet security and I thought I no longer had access to my personal email. That meant I had no way of checking our email for RSVPs until our home connection was up and running.  Fortunately, a very helpful tech support guy helped me out, and I’m back in the world of interney goodness.

In happier news, we’ve had some funky smelling meat packaging in our garbage cans for a day or two now, and the raccoons have failed to foil my system.  So for all of you have thought differently, I am hereby smarter than a common rodent.  Woo!

The saga of our battle with Rogers to have our home phone, internet and cable set up continues unabated and there is no sign of resolution in sight. Frustration gave way to resignation which has now given way to anger. Here’s how the whole thing played out.

Monday, September 3: Weeks before, we’d scheduled an appointment to move our services to our new address. Rogers advertises moving their services as being quick and easy. Scheduling the appointment was quite simple, and we were told to expect a technician between 5 and 8pm at our new address. We were at home waiting patiently for that whole time. No call, no doorbell.

After 8pm, I called Rogers to find out what happened. I was told that the technician arrived, rang the doorbell, knocked on the door and there was no answer. He hooked up our cable outside (so it should work) and we were told to reschedule. I informed them that we were home and no one came to our door and our cable was not working. They told me that the technician called our home phone to find out where we were… the very home phone he was there to set up.

Frustrated but patient, I rescheduled for the next available date and time, which was 5-8pm on Wednesday the 12th (almost a week and a half later).

Wednesday, September 12th: We had to reschedule due to a conflict in our hectic wedding-planning schedule. We were given 5-8pm that Friday.

Friday, September 14th: From 5-8pm I stood near our bay window overlooking our front door step. Every time a car drove by, I jumped and hoped to see a Rogers truck. None to be found. Danielle had a flight to catch and I was her ride. Feeling impatient at 7:45, I called Rogers.

I was told that the appointment was still set and that someone should be there, but could be as late as 8:15. I continued to wait. At 8:15pm I called Rogers again. I was told that our appointment had been canceled and we could reschedule, but would have to do that the next day when the offices reopened. No one bothered to call us to let us know. I was told that the next free date would be late the next week.

While we scrambled to get Danielle’s stuff in the car and drive to the airport, I spoke to a Customer Service rep who talked me out of canceling my services (with a few months of account service credited to my account) and was guaranteed that my service would be up the end of the weekend. I told her to use my cellphone as the point of contact and made myself available all day Saturday. I told her that I would be unavailable on Sunday until 1pm, but that I would be there all afternoon as well. She noted that on my account.

Saturday, September 15th: No phone call. No contact. No doorbell. No door knock. Still no home phone, internet or cable. It was a boring day at the house and I watched Toronto FC go scoreless again on fuzzy CBC.

Sunday, September 16th: My phone rings at 9am while I’m practicing before playing guitar in church. A Rogers technician is on his way to my house. I tell him that no one is home as per my instructions from Friday. He hangs up and calls back 15 minutes later saying he’s at the house and no one is home. I tell him I just informed him no one was home. No one is available until 1pm. He hangs up. He promptly calls the next number on the account and wakes up Danielle in Montreal. He is rude to her and hangs up on her.

I call customer support in the afternoon and escalate my issue. I’m told that the cancellation office is closed on Sunday, but that my issue can be escalated to the top of the complaint food chain to a group known as “The Office of the President”. I’m told to expect a call before noon on Monday and that they can resolve my issue quickly and to my satisfaction.

Monday, September 17th: Morning passes. No call from The Office of the President (TOoTP). At 10am I get a call from a technician who is on my doorstep. His dispatcher calls me, looks at my account and sends him away since no one is home.

I receive a call in early afternoon from the customer service rep from Sunday who is following up. She says to expect a call from TOoTP by day’s end. It never comes.

At 6:30pm, I call the main Rogers line and ask to be transferred to TOoTP. I spoke to their rep who defended Rogers systems and explained that the service credits promised to me on Friday were too much and that my problem wasn’t as big as I made it out to be. I informed him of my upcoming wedding, the amount of time I’ve spent talking to Rogers on the phone (and three times that on hold) and the time I’ve spent chained to my house waiting for technicians who only show up when they know I’m not around.

He tells me that I have to expect delays, and even Ted Rogers doesn’t get a specific time for a hook-up if he wants it. I don’t want to hear that at this point. He continues to defend Rogers’ scheduling policies and asks for some time to read over my account history. I ask him not to put me on hold, but to call me back. He says he can do that. I ask him how long until he calls me back. “In one hour” he tells me.

One hour stretches into two hours. No call. I call the main Rogers line and speak to a Customer Rep who tells me that TOoTP and the Cancellation Department are both closed for the day. She listens to me rant, empathizes and apologizes on behalf of herself and the company. She tells me that the only option I have is to call the next morning, and when she apologizes that it’s my only option, for the first time in two weeks, I believe someone at Rogers is being sincere.

Today: I call the main Rogers line and am told that I can’t be put through to TOoTP directly (despite having done so before). While on hold, Danielle calls me to say she pitied me for my frustration from the night before and put in a call. Someone would be calling her back. I tell her to have them call me.

An hour later, I speak to a different rep from TOoTP. I tell her I want to cancel all my services and leave Rogers and she asks if getting my service up on Thursday would keep me with them. I say that I want a guarantee from someone that a technician can be at my house tonight between 5 and 8pm to set me up. She was unsure if she could do that, but promised to find out and call me back. That was two hours ago.

Frankly, I don’t think that Rogers will ever be able to connect our services. I’m not sure if we’re cursed, but if they plan on keeping our business, they’d better live up to their advertised promises of a quick and easy service move (too late) and compensate my time and effort. I’ve had to initiate each stage of resolution and escalation for this issue, and that’s unacceptable to me as a paying customer.

To any and all Rogers reps to whom I am now forwarding to this post (rather than having to explain it every single time), please stop telling me what you CAN’T do. I don’t care. I’ve seen firsthand what you can’t do. Tell me what you CAN do. Resolve my issue, make me promises and keep them, and if you can’t do any of that… at the very least come to my damn house and get my internet, phone and cable working.

—-UPDATE —- 3:15pm—-

I just got a call back saying that someone might show up this evening before 7pm, and if not, we’re scheduled between 5 and 8pm on Thursday. No apologies, no offers… just “this is the best we can do”. Sigh. So I’m back in the Rogers Meatgrinder, and my expectations could not be any lower. Sigh.

Well, after a weekend of waiting at home patiently, I STILL don’t have internet, cable or phone at home.  Each time Rogers has missed a scheduled visit (without calling me to let me know), my complaint status gets passed further up the complaint food chain and my account gets credited more and more.  Alas, even with all the credits, I’m not sure if they’ll ever get me hooked up.

I hope to have all this resolved quickly, whether that means sticking with Rogers and keeping all my free stuff, or jumping to Bell just so all this is over.  I’ve been so angry about this whole thing that I’m getting generally agitated about everything and each time my cellphone rings, I assume it’s Rogers calling about another problem.

I took advantage of being stuck at home to raccoon-proof my home garbage.  So far, it’s worked.  I think last night was the first night I haven’t had to clean up the next day.  I’ll take some photos to show you my Red-Green-esque engineering and to get tips on how to improve my design.

I miss my music.  I miss pulling a CD off the shelf and popping it in the CD player to listen to while I worked away on my website(s), cleaned house or just surfed the web.  For a while now, my CDs have been packed up, and there’s no web to surf (Rogers, I still curse thee).

Sometime in the last week or so, I’ve misplaced my iPod too, so I don’t even have portable music.  I know for a fact that it’s in the house somewhere, but I just have no idea where.  I could probably load a few songs from my computer onto my cellphone and listen to that (with earphones, of course), but I already have an MP3 player.

So what’s the point of this incoherent rambling?  There isn’t one.  I’m barely awake and this is exactly how I’m thinking right now.  I have this totally unprovoked desire to hear some Killers, and I’m not sure if it’s normal.  Perhaps I need some cowbell.

According to my calendar, our wedding is a mere thirty days away. Perhaps it’s time to order my tux and to plan our ceremony. Perhaps…

Last night, a few of us headed down to BMO Field to watch an international friendly between Canada and Costa Rica. We were sitting in the supporters’ section (south end of the field, right behind the goal) and it was LOOOOUUUDDD. What a great way to see a soccer game.

Some highlights of the game included a goal by Canada (in answer to Costa Rica’s lone goal), the Costa Rican player who apparently thinks that diving every play is a good idea, and the crowd reaction to that player.

Some lowlights included the number of fans who feel that a ticket gives them the right to get drunk and get physical and/or yell things in public that would make Andrew Dice Clay shudder. I would have to say that if you don’t want your kids hearing the upper echelon of swear words, or learning the latest slang for genitalia and obscene sex acts, perhaps you should watch the game on TV from the comfort of your own home. However, if that vocabulary is common in your home, tickets are cheap. Fans aside, drinks and food are FAR too expensive given the quality. The burgers and dogs are terrible. Just terrible. Horrible, really. Eat before you go.

Hopefully a month from now, I won’t be cutting and pasting from that last paragraph when I’m writing a review of my own reception. Children will not be welcome there at all.

Sorry for the lack of posting.  I was out of the office yesterday for a work thing, and still don’t have the net up and running at home, so you all got to suffer.

In the saga of the internet, we finally got Rogers to schedule someone to come out tonight, but we have to cancel since we have tickets to a soccer game.  Bah.

So again, the rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated.   That is all.

Relaxation.  It was a long time coming after a few crazy weeks, but we had a relatively quiet weekend up at my parent’s place this weekend.  One of the highlights was sampling the meal that will be served at our reception.  Wow.  I mean, “WOW”.  If you’re lucky enough to be a guest, you can look forward to a tasty meal.  That’s all I’ll say about that.

Coming back into the city, we headed south on the DVP from the 401 and ran headlong into traffic.  There were no signs on the 401 or the DVP about it, so we figured it was an accident.  Nope.  They closed the DVP south of Bloor for construction and put up no signs.  Awesome.  Remove relaxation, replace with traffic stress.

Finally, my new cellphone arrived late Friday afternoon and I’ve been playing with it since.  Technology is really neat.  When you get something shiny and new, you’re enamored with everything it can do, but you’re quickly frustrated with everything it can’t do.  That finally gives way to acceptance.  It’s a lot like the grieving process that way, only you end up making calls on a sweet-looking new phone.  Hurrah!

Seriously though, how awesome would it be to have a monkey (toilet-trained, of course) to do your bidding around the house?  Totally awesome.  That’s how awesome it would be.  He could fetch you drinks and snacks, he could slip under the couch to search for the lost TV remote and he could sweep that gunk out from the crack between the fridge and the counter.

“Hey monkey!  Vacuum the living room.”

“Hey monkey!  Do my taxes.”

Yeah, that’d be pretty sweet alright.  I’m sure there’s a down-side to this that I’m not taking into account.  There’s the possibility that your monkey could suddenly turn vicious, or that he’s a carrier of some sort of exotic and super deadly disease that causes you to slowly bleed out of every pore in your body.  Or worse, you could get a lazy monkey.

Maybe it would be better if I could get a scientist to genetically modify my DNA so that I have a prehensile tail.  Then I could be my own trained monkey.  No more spilled coffees on the streetcar while I juggle my mug, my bag and search my pockets frantically for my MetroPass.

The drawbacks to this plan are pretty clear.  First, I’d be the poor sucker doing all the work.  Sure, it’d be easier work, but I don’t want to be the trained helper monkey.  Second, I’d have a tail. That would require tailoring my clothes to allow for it, and I’d probably get a few stares out in public.  I’m not sure if it would be a big hit with Danielle either.

Okay, so we’re back to the original plan.  A trainer helper monkey.  He can do my laundry, wash my dishes, and most importantly, he can sit on hold with Rogers for hours on end.  Better him than me.