Dave Duncan

So the sixth annual trip to Dangerous Dan’s Diner has come and gone, and all that remains is to show you the photographic evidence so you can start your week by being totally grossed out.

[Click on any image to view it full-size]

Where coronary nightmares are born

Rob prepares to destroy his arteries

My cousin Rob drove all the way from Hamilton for this, which only proves that he’s completely insane.  I hope it’s not genetic.  His was the first burger to show up, and our group was all ‘ooohs’ and ‘ahhs’.

What $16.50 gets you these days

Mine was second.  I got it with the works on top and the pop and fries with gravy come with the combo.  Notice the giant fried egg oozing out under the top bun.  Yeah.

John begins his quest for beefeating glory

The burgers are insanely difficult to eat due to the offset in the meat to bun ratio, and getting into one of these bad boys is a messy job, but it’s actually pretty tasty.

Three men and a little baby

From right to left; Rob, me, John and Joel.  Joel just went for a standard burger, which means he should have been seated at the wuss table (pictured later), but at least he ate it really quickly.

Danielle steals a small bite

Danielle acted on what everyone else was wondering; “Does the burger taste better than it looks?” and the answer was a resounding ‘yes’.  You’ll notice that I’ve got a nice big bite breaking down like chaw in my gums, and that I refused to let go of my burger for her to take a bit, fearing that if it started to fall apart, I’d lose my ability to finish eating it like a burger.

I take a slightly bigger bite

Fortunately, I kept it intact and was able to dive right back in.

John calls it quits

John was quickly relegated to the ‘wuss’ table after letting his burger ‘give birth’ out of the bun into his plate.  He just couldn’t finish the ‘baby burger’ bits left over.  It was a disappointment he’ll have to live with for the next 364 days until he can man up next year and at least come close.

Jared and Matt step up to the plate

Latecomers Jared and Matt got stuck at the window seats.

Jared's first big bite

Jared finished his combo in a matter of minutes, and proceeded to eat most of a dessert.  He’s a disgusting human being, but more than worthy of our respect.

Matt works from the top down...

This year’s burgers were far tastier and more evenly cooked than in all previous years, and the quality of the ingredients was even better…

...while his burger drips grease from the bottom down

… but they’re always greasy, which is what this trip is all about.

The 'wuss' table

We had some onlookers who split some fries, gulped some shakes or ate teeny burgers.  They encouraged us and gawked and gasped at how much food we put away.  Thanks for coming, guys!

The fruits of my labours

After about 20 minutes, this is what was left in front of me.  There were some giant onion chunks that fell out on my plate that I couldn’t bring myself to eat, but they hardly count.  This was my best showing in 6 years, and it wasn’t lost on the friendly staff.

It's a smore, it's a burrito, it's SMORITO!

For my efforts, and probably to torture me a bit, I was presented with a Smorito.  It’s a deep-fried S’more topped with ice cream and whipped cream.  It was morbidly delicious, but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat more than a few bites, but once everyone else had a taste, Jared went to work and obliterated it.

Thanks again to everyone for coming out, and be sure to take good care of your hearts so you can come out again in 2010.  It might not be a bad idea to do some training (I’m talking to John here).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need another nap.