Our world is an imperfect place (insert “gasp” here), but I’ve identified a few small improvements that would make it much better. Well, for me at least. This is FAR from an exhaustive list (omitting key big ticket items like world peace, and end to poverty and vegetables that taste like candy) with a focus on the more acheivable things that would take some of the sting out of my every day life.
This has been a work in progress over the last few years, and feel free to add your own additions in the comments and I’ll be sure to update my list and make it available to candidates in our next federal election, with a copy sent to the United Nations to address at the General Assembly (Note, I am too lazy to send this list to anyone. It will only exist here).
- The ability to Track Changes in PowerPoint. This is a great feature in Microsoft Word; one that I use every day in the course of my job. Sadly, I also create a shocking number of PowerPoint “decks” (a terrible word) and send them to a number of people to provide edits, updates and reviews. Coordinating all those changes takes up a ridiculous amount of time and I would like to spend it on more important things, like drinking coffee, filing emails and creating even more PowerPoint presentations.
- A plastic food storage system that can be stored effectively. I’ll call it “Tupperware” for simplicity’s sake, but we all have a cupboard in our kitchen with awkward stacks of this stuff that crash down on you head when you open the door. On top of that, you can never find the right lid for the bottom you’ve already filled with leftover chili and end up having to switch containers, leading to more dishes to wash. And I hate washing dishes. I’ve been toying with the idea of having two mesh bags on the inside of lower cupboard doors (like some kitchen garbage bags); one for lids and the other for containers. The system would have to simplified to two or three sizes with colour coded lids so you can easily find what you need. I leave it to the fine folks at the Tupperware company to sort this out.
- A service that will come around in the middle of the night and top up the gas tank in your car. This is a card I’ve been holding close to my chest for a while now, because while it sounds kind of ridiculous, I’m convinced there’s a market for this and that someone could figure out how to make money doing it. Sadly, I have realized that I will not be that person. So in lieu of getting rich off of it, I’d rather float it out there into the ether and take advantage as a consumer when someone else figures it out.
- No soiled diapers. Nothing much can be done here, I’m just complaining. Feel free to either ignore this one or nod in sympathetic agreement. We’re on the verge of potty training in our house, so this one will be passing the torch onto “soiled clothing” and “soiled furniture, floor coverings and other assorted things… ew” in due course.
- No iron/Wrinkle-free dress shirts. Yes, I know these exist and are widely available at just about every type of retail outlet in an equally wide variety of price points. My beef is two-fold:
- I don’t have nearly enough of them. This can be rectified by family members at Christmas, my birthday and any other holiday (St. David’s Day is celebrated on March 1, hint hint).
- The ones I do have, still get sort of wrinkly and need “touch ups” with the iron after washing. Boo, I say to the textile industry. Boo.
- A tool specifically designed to get every last bit of peanut butter out of the jar. I hate wasting food as much as the next guy, but that’s not what this is about. More often than not, it’s when you get to the dregs of your peanut butter jar that you discover there is no back up full jar in the cupboard to satisfy your craving for smooth, peanut buttery goodness. You don’t want that last bit of PB as much as you NEED it. I can’t be the only one.
- One extra statutory holiday every year for your birthday. If you know me well, or have casually followed this blog (back in the days when it was possible to follow it casually), you’ve heard me go off about this. I firmly believe that every Canadian should get his or her birthday off as a statutory holiday. If it falls on a weekend or another stat holiday, you get a floater. Going to work on your birthday is as bad as going to work on your birthday. That is, it’s so bad that there is no simile sufficient to capture its badness.
I hope you’ve enjoyed witnessing my not-so-gradual decline into old man curmudgeonyness that is evident in this list. Rest assured that I’ve toned it down and those who spend a lot of time with me (Danielle, Sebastian and Mojo) hear about these topics (and more) at length (great, great length).
Now I’m off to enjoy a peanut butter sandwich that is sorely lacking in peanut butter. Stupid jar.