Dave Duncan

"Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway"

Rodentia Forecasterus

Well, it comes as no surprise to anyone west of Nova Scotia that a bunch of rodents are saying it’s going to be a short winter. Sure, the one down in Gobbler’s Knob says otherwise, but he’s probably just rattled that his president is condemning human-animal hybrids. He was hoping to become a real boy someday.

I sometimes wonder what it is about animals that leads us to put so much faith in their ability to forecast the weather. I mean, growing up we always had a pet cat in the house, and that cat NEVER had any idea what the weather was like outside. She’d meow at the door until someone would open it. Then she’d stick her nose out and stand there for a few minutes while the blizzard winds or scorching heat forced its way into the house. Then, after about 20 minutes of just standing there, she’d turn around and walk back into the house to chew on a plant or sleep on someone’s dark wool sweater.

Our dog, on the other hand, has things well under control. He doesn’t care WHAT the weather is doing outside so long as he can be out there. The only exception to that is thunder. Thunder sends him absoultely bat#$%@ crazy… off-the-reservation insane. I don’t think he can predict them though, and the last time he saw his shadow he attacked it… and destroyed 4 pieces of furniture in the process.

I guess it’s just the vermin who can see into the future… the woodchucks and groundhogs in small towns. The moles, voles, shrews and ferrets… the rats, bats, raccoons and squirrels. Basically, if you can get the Plague from it, it can tell you how warm a jacket to get for the next season.

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