Dave Duncan

"Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway"

Archive for December, 2003

The ‘Burbs’

Shudder. I was out in the ‘burbs last night, visiting some friends from back home, and the moment I crossed from the 416 into the 905, I got a chill down my spine… a bad chill. All of a sudden, the neighbourhoods of character disappear and are replaced by cookie-cutter homes with vans and SUVs parked out front. They always have way too many Christmas Lights, and there are no kids outside. All there is in the ‘burbs is homes, malls, mini-malls, convenience stores, and street lights…. that’s it.
The night only got weirder when we went to an Irish pub in Ajax. It looked just like a normal Irish pub, only it was filled with baby boomers (complete with grey hair) and they were blasting techno… only in the ‘burbs. I will never move back!

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Worst Episode… EVER!

So, the next time you have the flu, and a friend who works at a Video Store brings over a copy of Gigli… don’t tell yourself “Hey, it’s free… and it’s not like you were going to run a marathon.” because this movie is only going to make you sicker. Seriously.
I thought the critics must have been a little harsh on this film, but now I think they went a little too easy on it. It was horrific. BRUTAL. There are four things about this movie that got me to the end credits:
1. Bragging Rights. It’s like eating a dozen cheeseburgers or drinking a Big Gulp Slurpee in 10 minutes… not everyone’s done it, so you can show it off.
2. The Handicapped Kid. Yes… the mentally handicapped ‘Rain Man’ rip-off character had more depth than just about anyone in this movie… there are two exceptions, and I’m about to get to them. This kid… with his drooling and nonesense speaking parts made J-Lo and Ben look stupid. Nuff said.
3. Al Pacino. HOOWAH!! This guy could make anything cooler and scarier. Bonus points for having the only kill in the film. He didn’t take a flamethrower to the place though
4. The “Walken”. I stopped calling him ‘Christopher Walken’ after the cowbell sketch because I felt it undermined his legendary status. This guy is like genious on speed. He crushed a coffee cup, and I was interested. Then he started yelling about ice cream, and I was interested. Then he left the scene, and I wept and prayed for his return. It didn’t happen… I think God is taunting me.
So, to boil this down again… if you have a few hours to kill… the film is free… you get some sort of sick pleasure out of watching bad movies… and you want to brag to others who get a sick pleasure out of watching bad movies, you’ll still want to think twice about this one. Think at least twice. Make that three times. No, better yet… don’t watch it at all. Drink a bottle of Tequila and go to bed. You’ll feel better in the morning… trust me.

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Still Alive and Ticking…

Despite it’s best efforts, the flu has not killed me… yet. I started feeling a little under the weater on friday, and by saturday afternoon I felt more than a little under the carpet. By sunday morning, I wished I was 6 feet underground, but thanks to my mom and Jen, I’ve been nursed back to mediocrity.
The bad news is that I’ve been sick, the good news is that I got 3 non-vacation days off work. I’ll be at home again tomorrow. Methinks that would be a good time to work on my resume.

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3000 Miles to Graceland… and why TBS sucks

This movie was pretty horrid. Why didn’t someone stop Kevin Costner after Robin Hood and say “Hey man… just let it go… it’s going to be downhill from here.”? WHY??!!??
Even worse, I watched it on TBS. This has got to be the worst movie watching experience someone can have. 5 minutes of commercials… every 7 minutes, the plot is torn apart with poorly timed edits to cut out violence, and the swear editing is HILARIOUS… but not funny enough to enjoy. It almost makes paying $300 to see a movie at Silver City worthwhile… except that you have to watch commercials before movies now.
TBS has one saving grace… Seinfeld 4 hours a day. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but it’s almost as bad as FOX used to be with COPS. It seems like it’s on all the time, and I don’t mind that one bit.
Don’t even get me started on TBS showing the same movie back to back or three nights in a row. No… please… don’t. Noooooooooooooooooo.

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Collapsing Buildings and Vacation Days

So it’s been pretty crazy since I last posted… On monday morning, the theatre right next to my office decided to stop standing and killed at least one person. Yes, I was an eyewitness to the collapse of the former Uptown theatre, and got to watch all the fun and excitement live from my office window on the 8th floor. It’s weird watching news stories and thinking “I remember when that shot was taken” and then figuring out where the cameraman was standing.
The pub my office used to go to for drinks was in the same building as the ESL school, so I guess we have to find a new place to get loaded and play pool. Seriously, though… it was pretty wild seeing the Emergency crews get right into that mess to help people out, and as someone who works in a tall building, and lives in another tall building… it’s nice to know I’ve got a chance in case something goes horribly wrong.
For the record, I used to love the Uptown, but was enjoying watching the autopsy as it was slowly dismantled. I commented to more than a few people that the demolition didn’t seem to be on the up-and-up. They were working from one end to the other, rather from the top down. Crazy.
I was off work yesterday, and didn’t set foot near a PC. It was great. You should all try it.

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Kill Bill

I watched a rather grainy version of Kill Bill last night. I think it was from one of the later stages of post-production as some of the sound was a little off and the colours and matting were a little ‘funny’ in some scenes.
Bottom line, this was a great movie. Awesome plot… intriguing characters and so… much… blood. The use of blood was pretty cool though… it was over-the-top.
Before I saw it, I had been warned about a ‘crazy animated piece in the movie that doesn’t make sense’. I’d like to say to all those people that said it didn’t make sense… “You suck.” It made perfect sense. I was talking to Ryan while watching it, and he quoted a good friend from years gone by… We were talking about how stupid the average person is…
“Think about the person with the most average intelligence you know… now realize that half the world is stupider than that person.” It’s a sobering thought.
Now… where on earth can I get a sword?

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My day… ruined

I just typed up a great post… one of my best… honestly. And when I went to post it, it deleted itself. Man, what a bummer. I was in such a good mood too.
I know Jen and I have had a problem with Hotmail that’s almost the same thing… where you type out an email, and when you go to hit send, it clears the email and sends it anyway. I’ve gotten a few blank emails from Par as well, so hopefully I’m not insane and everyone reading this is saying “I know exactly what you mean!”, and not saying “Man, you’re paranoid… next thing you’re going to say is that the CIA is interfering with your web connection to track you because you’re an alien.”. At which point I will freak out, because I don’t know how you figured out that was an alien. I mean, er, uh… an Armenian… yeah… I’m an Armenian…

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