Dave Duncan

"Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway"

Archive for April, 2007

Forget ‘Whoopass’. Cans of Sleep are Where It’s At!

I had a dream last night. It’s been a while since I’ve slept so well that I could dream, and it’s even rarer that I remember a dream, but this one really stuck out. In my dream, I was really tired and decided to skip down to the grocery store for a can of sleep. There, in one glorious aisle, were hundreds of cans of various kinds and brands of sleep. Each can had a pull-tab on top like a pop can, and I presume you’d just crack one open, drink it down and you’d be out like a light.

I remember one especially vivid label for a can of sleep. It was called “Like the Dead” and was all black except for pillow shaped like a tombstone. How awesome is that? I wish my mind was the clever and funny when it was awake. Stupid brain.

So… how creative are you? “Very” you say? Well, I’m holding a real and for-true contest here this week.

The First Annual ‘Can of Sleep’ Label Design Contest!

Submit YOUR design for a can of sleep to me by Friday, May 11th at 11:59pm ET and you could win a prize pack that includes the following:

  • a cleverly-written (and mostly fabricated) artist biography of you, which will be posted here
  • an equally cleverly-written, but more widely read (and less fabricated) artist bio in SilentTalkie (yes, the world-famous arts magazine)
  • two beautiful and stylized Moleskine Cahier notebooks (they are softcover and 6″x4″)

Feel free to submit either by linking in the comments, or by sending your design by email to dave[AT]achtungdavey[DOT]ca, and I look forward to seeing all your entries.

*FINE PRINT: Feel free to enter as many designs as you like, and tell your friends. All artwork remains yours, but if I (or SilentTalkie) want to make it into a T-shirt or something, we’ll ask you and stuff.

Entries can be digital images created on a PC, or photos or scans of hand-drawn ideas.  I’ll be judging on the merit of the design, not the quality of the presentation… although a prettier presentation is nice.  If I really like the idea, I might even get a design person to clean it up (with your permission, of course).

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Let the Games BEGIN!!!

It is with the full blessing of my friends, some family and my physiotherapist that I’m pleased to officially and publicly announce that the Second Annual Season of Zwei LinkenFuss soccer is underway!


We strongly believe that this nice weather is actually here to stay, so we’re starting up our pick-up soccer league this coming Tuesday evening (May 1st) at 6:30pm in Moss Park.  Moss Park is at the northwest corner of Queen and Sherbourne and is well-known for being full of crackheads, drug dealers, prostitutes and pimps.  It’s also a great field (with lights) and really close to a bunch of ZLF regulars.

Skill is of no consequence to us… we’re just out to have a good time.  If you’re really good and don’t mind playing with people who aren’t, this is for you.  If you’re really bad and don’t mind playing with people who aren’t, then this is for you.  If you want to sit on the sidelines and watch, then this is for you.  If you want to slide-tackle people, you should probably look elsewhere.  Actually, if you’re REALLY good, you should just try out for Toronto FC… rumour has it that they could use you.

See you on Tuesday evening!

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Give my Love to Rose

Let’s not even go into how I had to be in work earlier than usual this morning, but I slept in.  Let’s just drop that for now and just take for granted that I’m insanely tired today.  No, today’s story is about the nightmare that is Reception Hall Shopping.

Every online photo makes places look like the Ritz-Carlton, but in reality, some of them were decorated in the early 80s and haven’t been touched since.  We looked at a place last night out in the west end that was just terrible… to the point where it was actually comical.  What’s worse is that we made an appointment, but the owner was late and had to be called back to meet with us… which doesn’t exactly instill confidence.

I had a few appointments yesterday, and my iPod kept me company most of the day.  Instead of my usual upbeat rock that I use to keep me motivated during the day, I opted to listen to some Johnny Cash.  I love Johnny Cash’s music, but I’ll never make the mistake of doing that again.  All I wanted to do all day was down a 36 of Jack, buy a gun, shoot a cowboy, go to prison and write a song about it.  That’s not healthy.  Sorry Johnny.

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Let’s Get Physical!

This morning I heard the five words that fill most men’s hearts with dread… “Turn your head and cough”.  I had my first full physical in over a decade and I passed with flying colours.  The minor discomfort of having a perfect stranger prod you and paw at you was more than eased when I heard a more welcome phrase… “We won’t bother giving you a prostate exam”.  Phew.  Apparently I won’t need to bother with that until I’m 40.

Barring any nasty news from my lab results, I can safely say that I’m as healthy as an Ox… well, as healthy as a healthy Ox, I guess.  I’m sure there are some sick Oxen out there, and I’m more healthy than they are.

Speaking of getting healthy, keep next tuesday evening open.  More to come…


Surreality Bites

Last night… well, last night was an interesting night.  As it was happening, I couldn’t wait to write about it here and share it with you guys.  Now that I actually sit down to do it, it seems impossible.  It was a night that was anything but linear and rational.  We walked around with a boiled squid taking pictures and having the progressively stranger conversations with progressively stranger people.

Suffice it to say that next week’s SilentTalkie will have plenty of hilarious photos.  Look forward to it.

And now, I’m going to reach out to the intarweb community with a question.  Does anyone know a good reception hall in the GTA, or a really great caterer?  Please respond in the comments, or drop me an email.  Thanks.

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‘Tis the Season

Each season has a series of markers or events that denote that the season has actually started. For winter, it’s not so much the first falling snowflake as it is the first time you have to shovel your walk. For many, spring starts that first day you leave your jacket at home and you can walk safely and comfortably in a light shirt.

Well, as any Torontonian knows, that day can occur in late February when there’s still plenty of winter left. We’ve been enjoying some great weather here lately, but last night I heard spring knocking on my door when we fired up the BBQ for the first time in ages and I ate a big fat burger with a side of potato salad and chips.

Actually eating BBQed meat is no big deal… I do that in all seasons. No, it was the combination of foods and the annual declaration that we were not merely eating BBQ, but that we had a BBQ.

Even better, it was for a gathering of the members of Jared’s floor hockey team-the one I was subbing in with when I busted up my ankle, so I was able to finally gain closure on my ankle injury (I’m still in a brace and taking physio, but I’m well on my way back to normal… well, normal for me).

What’s next, you ask? If my understanding of spring is correct, we can look forward to trees budding, flowers blooming, and the birds and the bees trying to have sex with one another. It’s a magical season!

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The Monday Morning Rush

BAH!  Thanks to a sudden increase in the amount of work in the office, and a sudden decrease in the number of co-workers in the office, my usual habit of easing into the work week on Monday has been curtailed.  This is not cool.

As such, this will be the content of today’s post… a diatribe against having to do real work on a Monday morning when you aren’t even awake yet.   It’s like forcing a baby to give a speech when it hasn’t even learned to talk.  Well, it’s not really like that at all, but I’m trying to prove a point here so just suspend your disbelief, would ya?

Ideally, I try to do as much as possible on Friday afternoon in order to ensure that my Monday morning is clear for me to ease into my week.  I usually spend the morning getting my week organized and sorting out how and when I’ll do all the work I need to each day.  Not today.  Today has just been ridiculous, and the rest of the week isn’t looking any better.

On the plus side, the weather is awesome and I’m no longer affected by transit problems (like the one the Yonge-University subway line is experiencing right now) thanks to my magical ankle brace.  Walking is awesome.  I highly recommend trying it (Ethan).

Note: The late posting today is thanks to a lag in my company’s network.



Sweet sassy molassey! It’s not even spring outside. It’s full-blown summer! Usually at this time of year, there’s that one day that’s a little warm and everyone is sporting short-sleeves and sunglasses when it’s barely warm enough… a day that in July or August would require a light jacket. Not today. Today is a gorgeous day in or out of context. And here we all are… sitting at our desks. On the plus side, it’s supposed to get even better through the weekend before it crashes on Monday and the temperature plummets and the spring rains fall.

Days like today make me long for my backpack, tent and an exposed campsite in the middle of a dense forest. I would kill to fall asleep in my sleeping bag tonight and wake up next to a misty lake on a gorgeous spring morning, but that will have to wait a month or so.

For those of you who are still reading SilentTalkie each week (there was no issue this week due to various time management difficulties… including my engagement), you may recall my article a few weeks back about the awesomeness that is ‘Red Dawn’. Well, it was on AMC last night and I managed to catch the first 20 minutes. I was sad that I had to go to bed, but exhaustion was calling my name. I think I’ll rent it on saturday.

For those of you who downloaded (and hopefully liked) the demo album from ‘Slow Like Big Hams’, you’ll be glad to hear that we have another jam scheduled for sunday afternoon, and we’ll likely record again. I believe we’re going to polish up some of our songs (and shorten them, hopefully) as well as working on some new tunes. We’ll record them for posterity and share them with both our fans on the intarweb.

I’m jonesing for a Tim Hortons Breakfast Sandwich, but they stopped selling them at 10am. It’s going to be that kind of day, I’m afraid.

Did you just hear that? There it is again. I think I hear a patio and an ice-cold beverage calling my name.

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