Dave Duncan

"Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway"

For Your Holiday Viewing Pleasure

There are four movies that you have to watch in the next 10 days, and all of them should be airing on broadcast TV in that time.  Without these movies, I believe it is physically impossible to enjoy your Christmas season and you will slowly turn into a Grinch.

The first is A Christmas Story, the tale of a young boy in the 1950s who wants nothing more for Christmas than a Red Ryder BB gun.  It’s funny, wistful and harkens back to a more innocent time in American history when kids licked flagpoles, lamps were made of mannequin legs and Ovaltine was bountiful and disgusting.

Second is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, in which our intrepid hero Clark Griswold discovers the true meaning of Christmas amid firey felines, an invasion of relatives and the best toboggan scene in modern film.  One tip for further enjoyment is to take a drink of Egg Nog everytime you hear the name “Rusty”.

Third is the timeless classic It’s a Wonderful Life, starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed about a man who fails to see the good he’s brought to the world until he’s teamed up with his guardian angel.  If you can make it through the entire movie without shedding a tear, you are nothing but a robot and you don’t deserve to celebrate Christmas at all.

The final film is the greatest Christmas movie of them all; Die Hard.  Aside from being the pinnacle of this awesome action movie franchise, it tells a Christmas tale as timeless and traditional as Christmas itself.  Well, not really, but it’s got “Christmas in Hollis” in the soundtrack and lots of stuff exploding, not to mention some awesome one-liners like “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs” and “we’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess”.  Classic.

There you go.  Everything you needed to make this the best Christmas ever.  You’re welcome.

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